Wednesday, January 13, 2021

DASS 101: New Game Plus


  1. Mumblecore Metallica Man returns!

    Are you ready, DA? Let's go.

    New fiver intro? I figured you're the type of guy who would do a callback to Genesis' Land of Confusion. I appreciated the nod to the Mooninites. No one can defeat their quad laser. I also appreciated the enthusiasm in the announcer's voice. Even though she's stumbling over her words, you can tell.

  2. I think I'm going to over the word limit with WW84. You may need an entire show to read it ha haha

  3. Wonder Woman 84 take

    Holy F%#$ was Wonder Woman 84 a bomb (WW84)! The script was like an amatetur cartoon episode mixed with a Hallmark production, complete with wistful shots of extras playing in the snow as the camera focuses on children playing and couples smiling.

    It started out OK. I loved the shots of the mall. It worked. Malls were popping in the 80s. Everyone looked like they belonged. It could have been an episode of Knight Rider.

  4. Then it starts doing wacky things like her wearing the outfit all along in Cairo, using the whip to pull her through the air (even though she said she said she did not get flight) or catch lightning bolts like she was doing both of these things all her life.

    Shouldn't we have some explanation of her magic whip before this is done? What about her gives me the notion that she has any magical prowess before she decides to make the jet invisible? Shouldn't we have seen a shot like this earlier or, if we were really pushing the audience, from the first movie?

    How do they know that all they have to do to fix things is take back their wish? WW makes this guess when she went to the voodoo man even though she could have made this guess without going to the voodoo man. Her zombie boyfriend even questioned it. I don't remember how that conversation ended, but I'm sure they were like, 'It's worth a shot'. Wasn't the voodoo man supposed to give them info? That would be the probper exchange in this Zelda quest.

    Why wasn't the oil man kid's wish instantly granted like every other person in the movie? The kid wished his father was with him. Is there a weird editing / script mishap here? The helicopter landed in some random field near the White House and the kid emerged from the tree-line after a few yells from his father like that was the correct spot to yell. The last we saw his kid, he was rambling through wreckage on an elevated highway. Big hugs, everything's OK. EVERYTHING's NOT OKAY! This hallmark moment was brought to you by BULLSHIT!

  5. Man, do they love that whip in this one. Were there a lot of complaints about her not using it as much in WW1 (oh shit, just realized Wonder Woman 1 takes place in WWI. Get it?!)? A lot of those whip shots look lame. How can they make Spider-Man shot web and look cool but not WW? The effects messed that up big time. Lots of shots look very fake. That whole scene where she arrives at the satellite facility and is taking down guards and then goes into fighting wigged-up Wig look like a scifi, 'scuse me, syfy movie production. It was like my non-120hz screen suddenly stripped away the movie magic and the budget. Did they get the critically and audience panned Cats the Musical made into the worse CG production crew on this? Holy F@#$%!!

    Hey, remember that lasso not being able to penetrates the wind force field at the end. That's it! "You lose!," in the words of an irate candy man might say. Yet somehow, while we weren't looking, WW whose now limp as a wet noodle somehow zip-lines that whip around oil-man's leg as he enters a wind tunnel that is the physical manifestation of radio waves (WTF!?)

  6. Let's talk about that throw away line of she found the armor of Asteria near the start of the movie. Remember that? Just after Sam Beckett beamed into the body of a greaser from the 1980s who is actually a genius engineer (another throw-away exchange that goes nowhere), they bone (presumably), wake up the next day, and he points out the large object covered in cloth in her tiny batcave. 'Oh, that, I hunted that down in a prior movie you never saw, but would have been totally cool to see.

    This really should be the third in a WW trilogy--the bomb that ends it--just for that flick of a wrist on the writer's pen. We got that Asteria was a cool chick who cock-blocked the hordes of men from savaging the --magical-- women of The-mascara Island. She sacrificed herself. She lost. How did that loss hide the island? Where did the armor go? I want that Wonder Woman 2 movie. And why the hell is Asteria alive at end clip at the end of the movie then? This is so frustrating.

  7. I wish I hadn't heard someone's two-word reaction prior to seeing Wonder Woman 84, but I don't think mine would have been any different. You know I like to go into these things with a fresh mind. If anything, the first movie set me up for high times.

    Who thought hiring Kristen Wig as the nemesis was a good idea? I get it. She's pretty good at being serious and very affable as a comedian so we can feel remorse when she gave up her poetic humanity to turn into an apex predator. She's a cute 50 year-old, but not the sexy cheetarah she needs to be going up against Gadot's model-like beauty.

    Women empowerment aside, I can't believe the wardrobe and makeup make her twenty years younger and model-hot (given the wish she made, I guess the wish included fashion sense too). Don't get me wrong; Wig would probably be fun, but just like my Freddy Kreuger face might entice Wendy from Howard Stern's wack pack, but most people wouldn't give either the time of day.

    I was not passionately looking forward to WW84 even though this rant makes me sound like it, but yes, I was extremely disappointed (in a Hercules: The Legendary Journeys meme voice [look it up]). I liked the first one because it surprised me. I watched it because it was a comic book movie but there was no Batman and no Justice League team-up so why should I care? WW1 made me care about WW. She kicked ass. She was cool. WW84 was a hallmark production. what the FFFF

  8. Let's wind down talking about a more traditional and fun DC production which I'm sure you can check out on HBO Max. Side note: I agree with you. It actually does sound like it's getting a lot of the cool exclusives. If online streamers is the console war (and you know it is), you could have fun with Netflix and HBO Max. F the rest of the imitators (though, Amazon has some cool stuff like the TV show The Expanse).
    Ok, back to cool DC stuff to wash out the taste of WW84. Batman Soul of the Dragon is totally watchable. It's a neat one-shot, though it could have worked without Batman. The writers even acknowledge this at the end when they make one of the characters say, 'You should put on that costume 'cause we need more Batman in this Batman movie near the end.' I don't think it's a good thing that this Batman movie would work without Batman. It's still very comic-book-y though.

  9. Try adding a tablespoon (that's three teaspoons) of nutritional yeast to your meal of choice instead of a sprinkle. I know you were duped into overspending at Whole Foods so using such a helping of your tiny $5 container seems a bit much, but that's the amount of chemical X required.

    Yes, I know it's a gift card. Nutritional yeast is expensive, but can be purchased in bulk for around $8-10 per pound. A tablespoon is around 4 grams so you get over 100 servings for $8-10 vs 4.3oz for $5 container I saw pictured on the Mondo forums. You should be getting twice the amount of servings for that money. I get mine from Sprouts which is like a hybrid between a Whole Foods and normal grocery store. You're not brainwashed into buying only organic produce which actually have questionable benefits to farms, production, and human beings. They still use pesticides. Farming organic is more wasteful from what I read years ago. Maybe things have improved. Maybe someone can Swingle in and correct me. Thank you in advance.

    The best part of Sprouts is their bulk which offer great discounts. Things used to be better pre-GLOBAL PANDEMIC, but that's like a lot of things. They would have 25% off coupons on top of the bulk prices every month or so. Dang.

  10. I was introduced to the Hobbit via the 1977 animated movie by my brother. Later we watched the Lord of the Rings animated movies. I recommend the Hobbit animated movie over the live-action three-parter. It probably cut some stuff from the one book, but it feels jam-packed full of adventure, looks great, and is voiced well. There's one guy's voice in the film which I've mastered since it has that ear-worm quality to it. Plus, you can be hipster like me and say you watched the animated version and prefer it; or you can know that it is the truth.


    I said that maybe this is true bithead and maybe he needed time to work up to it, but you watch those old videos, and he seems so genuine. There's no act. There's no character he's playing. He always said he wanted thee videos to resemble that of Pee-Wee's Playhouse where there are are these intricacies the audience learns through watching the videos over the years. I think he's playing those moments over and over again. This is the response I am supposed to make when I drop my toy gun. This is the amount of time I need to pause after I say "Yessie!" when down-talking his fat slob of a sister-in-law (in bithead language).

    I'm not sure if what we are seeing with bithead is the unfiltered id (pronounced like it, but end it with a d sound), which is to say those thoughts slowly pouring out of his head during those sessions in the Saturn five rocket (that Saturn sedan with beat-up upholstery and a hole in the floor of the driver seat so he could take a piss on the go while gsaling. I think what we are seeing is an act that he's built-up through the flagellation of the mountain dew frito-dusted fans.

    I get it. It is fascinating to watch, but I question whether it's good for myself. How can I be genuine when I see that act get so much praise? It's like people don't know how to appreciate what's real any more. Jerry Terrifying says that he thinks the downfall of YT is because of well-produced, TV-like video. Bithead echoed this thought too, but then he goes on to produce an act.

    I listened to that podcast which you mentioned he made a guest appearance. That is how he has a conversation with an audience. What we see on his videos is equivalent to a Conan O'Brien opening monologue or as stated earlier, a Pee-Wee video that replaces the puppets with inanimate objects.

    Slowly his audience has adjusted to this new format. I think if he went back to that old style with occasional long gaps of dead air, they would leave. They want the loud clapping monkey. Do trick monkey! See monkey do trick! HA ha Wasn't it funny when monkey do trick?

    This is why I think internet friends suck. I think you and I could have a great conversation, but we definitely hold stuff tight to the chest and are afraid to build deeper relationships. We like some things about a person (or a personality) and can instantly turn off that person with a click of a button. I'd like to think we could be friends if we lived one door down from eachother, DA.

    Bithead without the egged on personality from say 2012 was relatable. This is a stage act where we identify with certain things in his life and he plays it up for the yucks. Again, this is entertaining, but I think draining and slowly damaging to me because I start to think this is how you be the cool guy. It could just be me. Maybe I'm the one with a fragile ego.

  12. I'm looking forward to the future of DASS. Take it at your own pace. I'll be hearing and responding. Later, DA.

  13. Hey, man, I was passing by some tasty looking Pop Tarts and thought of you in a non-gay way. Chocolate Pretzel. Now doesn't that sound delicious? I can't believe the sodium in these things. It said almost 600mg of sodium per tart.

    If you want to keep yourself alive, I recommend staying away from all pre-packaged foods, but Pop Tarts are like sodium bombs just like sodas are sugar bombs.